I wish I had more empathy and understanding of what I was going through back then...
Not kicking myself, calling myself worthless and weak to the point where I absolutely hate myself because I can't say no to such a simple thing as "just don't drink".
"Others can do it, why can't you? What's wrong with you?" I would tell myself..
Oh man, If I only knew how hard it was, and how deep in its grip alcohol got me.
Maybe then would I have been kinder to myself...
But back then I didn't know how to deal with the constant nagging for a drink that never stopped.
Nor did I know how to tell anyone about what I was going through.
Not even to my partner that I loved and was living with at the time.
So I shut her out and pulled away from her.
And when my loved ones would ask me how I was doing, I would always tell them I was fine.
And then I went back to battling the enemy within that always whispered in my ear...